


On Hold

by Astronaut_Milky, tobeconspicuous



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Reconciliation, these idiots need to learn how to bloody speak their mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 09:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13784415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astronaut_Milky/pseuds/Astronaut_Milky, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/pseuds/tobeconspicuous
Summary: A loud buzz came from the prosecutor’s phone, the vibration’s so strong they shook Sonny’s cheap bedside table. Sonny huffed before rolling over to grab Rafael’s phone, the screen was lit up displaying the time, 6:04, and a text message from Sonny’s boss.Liv-two year anniversary tomorrow, can't wait xx





	On Hold

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rai_m](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rai_m/gifts).



> For Rai87/Noodlebugg for their birthday.
> 
> Astronaut_Milky says "For one of my favourite authors, and one of the nicest people in the fandom, hope you enjoy this fic filled with only light angst because sometimes I can show restraint. Happy birthday!."
> 
> Tobeconspicuous says "So I dragged Astronaut_Milky into this and look what happened??? Angst! Anyway, I do hope you enjoy reading as much as we enjoyed writing. Have a happy birthday and something equally fluffy is heading your way."
> 
> Many thanks to ChameleonCircuit for their wonderful support for acting as a beta for this fic.
> 
> We do not own, only enjoy, and we hope you do as well. Feedback is very much appreciated.

Sonny wasn’t normally one to lay in bed, he preferred to get up early morning, go for a jog, stretch his muscles out. This morning was different though, it was a rare morning that he would awake to Rafael Barba gently snoring next to him. They’d been ‘ _ enjoying each other’s company _ ’ for several months now, and Sonny was beginning to grow restless.

He wanted more.

He just felt that Rafael did not.

It hadn’t taken Sonny long to learn that Rafael constantly being on his phone was not only limited to the workplace. Everytime Sonny’s attention was away from Rafael, the man was checking his emails, texting; one time Sonny even caught the man playing Candy Crush. Sonny was un-surprised to learn that the prosecutor had begun to carry a portable charger in his pocket. The device rarely rested. Even now at six in the morning Sonny could hear the familiar buzz of the phone vibrating on his bedside table.

“Are you going to get that?” Sonny was amazed at how condescending the man sounded at such an early hour. “Or are you going to keep staring?”

Sonny rolled his eyes before he twisted and reached for his lover’s phone, the device felt warm and heavy in his hand, he bounced it gently before passing it over to Rafael. The older man glared at him before deftly unlocking the device and scanning through his messages.

“Anything urgent?” Sonny put on an air of nonchalance. 

Rafael cocked a brow before he locked the phone and handed it back to Sonny. “Nothing that can’t wait till Monday.”

Sonny tossed the phone on the bedside table before he leaned over and ran a hand down Rafael’s face, enjoying the feel of rough stubble beneath his fingers. He loved coaxing rare, gentle smiles from the older man; it made him feel as though there was more to their relationship than casual sex. Once he had achieved his goal he moved himself down so he was lying parallel with Rafael, his hand still caressing the man’s face as he moved to captured the older man’s lips with his own.

Sonny relished the feeling of Rafael’s warm form pressed against him as he kissed from the man’s mouth, to his jawline, to his neck. Sonny revelled in each gasp and moan he elicited from his lover, Sonny’s hand slowly moving lower as his kisses did. 

Rafael tensed for a moment before grabbing Sonny’s hand and moving it away. “I would love to, but I have brunch with a friend-”

“A friend?” Sonny teased to try and hide his disappointment.

“No one you would know,” Rafael murmured before he pressed a gentle kiss against Sonny’s mouth and slid out of the bed. “Could I please use your shower?”

Sonny nodded in response, he propped himself up on his elbow and watched as the bronzed man made his way into the ensuite. As soon as Sonny heard the splattering of the first drops of water hitting the tiles he collapsed back into the bed and let out a groan. He was hoping to have a lazy Saturday morning in bed with the man he-- He needed to not let himself get too deep.

Then another loud buzz came from the prosecutor’s phone, the vibration’s so strong they shook Sonny’s cheap bedside table. Sonny huffed before rolling over to grab Rafael’s phone, the screen was lit up displaying the time, 6:04, and a text message from Sonny’s boss.

**Liv -** _ two year anniversary tomorrow, can't wait xx _

Sonny didn’t mean to read the message that had lit up the screen, nor did he mean to press the button to make it reappear again, and again. His chest was tight, his breath was short and sharp, and his vision blurred. He dropped the phone, jumping at the thudding sound it made as it hit the floor. He picked it up, examined it for breaks before placing it back on the bedside table.

He steadied his shaking hands and told himself to breathe deeply; to inhale and exhale. It was no use, the words on the screen and burnt themselves into his brain. All he could picture was Rafael with his Lieutenant, happy, healthy and in love. Or so she probably thought.

It explained all of Rafael’s actions, why he was constantly on his phone. Did Liv know? Was he even Rafael’s only other lover or did the man have many? Sonny was in his mid thirties, he was too old to be someone’s side piece, something to be used, and tossed aside. He wouldn’t let himself be strung along any more. 

By the time he heard the shower water stop Sonny had been able to collect himself, to bury the feelings that were almost ready to break the surface. Sonny had made up his mind, he was going to break things off with Rafael Barba.

\--  
  


Time was supposed to heal. That's what Rafael had always been told, that's what he had always believed. That no matter what he went through, over time he would move past his pain.

So a week on, when the sight of Sonny still caused his heart to pound wildly, stinging and comforting all at once, he reassured himself that it would be alright. That he would one day be able to meet Sonny's eyes and not be filled with a painful longing.

He found himself sulking whenever he was around the squad, pointedly trying to avoid the young detective that had somehow captivated his heart.

Unfortunately that was damn near impossible when Sonny ended up lead detective on a case that Rafael was taking to trial. The sound of his voice was almost too much for Rafael to handle, let alone having to face Sonny. 

So in order to spare himself more pain, Rafael turned his attention to his phone, scrolling through emails that he had no intention of paying attention to.

“Counselor?” Sonny's voice cut through his thoughts, drawing his eyes up from his phone, entirely against his will. “Care to pay attention?”

Rafael felt himself glare at the blunt tone Sonny was using. It was as if Sonny was the one who was hurt, heartbroken; as if he hadn't been the one to end things.

A surge of rage pulsed through his veins.

“I’ll pay attention when you say something worthwhile, Detective,” he snapped back. “As it stands, you've offered no new insights, rendering this an entire waste of my time.”

The room froze, and Rafael was somehow aware of Amanda's eyes flicking back and forth between them. However, he was mostly focused on the man before him, slack-jawed and hurt. A part of him regretted what he had said. But another, more powerful part of him, relished in the possibility that he had given Sonny even the smallest taste of the pain the younger man had caused him.

With a deep breath, Sonny continued on his presentation, though there was no fire in his words.

Rafael turned back to his phone, a safe haven from the worried eyes of those around him.

The meeting wrapped up shortly after Rafael's outburst, with Liv's knowing gaze never leaving him.

As the squad left the table to get back to work and Rafael stood up to leave, Liv placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“Rafa,” she murmured. “Everything alright?”

He was acutely aware of Sonny staring at the two of them, clearly listening in. Rafael would not give him the satisfaction of knowing he was in pain.

“Absolutely fine.”

\--

Rafael couldn't believe Liv had managed to talk him into after-work drinks with the squad. He had been so set on not going, on avoiding the man he was still pining over months later, yet somehow with a few words she had convinced him to come along.

Instantly he had regretted it.

Sonny seemed happy, content. Clearly time had been kinder to him than it had been to Rafael.

And that almost hurt more than the loss of Sonny from his life. It hurt that Sonny didn't miss their relationship, that he didn't mourn what they could have been. He was laughing, joking with the squad… he was completely fine.

It was too much to handle, particularly as his birthday grew closer and closer. Months ago he had relished in the idea of spending his birthday with someone he really liked; of spending his birthday with Sonny. But the sound of his loud laugh reminded Rafael of his crippling loneliness.

“I’m getting a drink,” he muttered to Liv, leaning close so as not to disrupt the tall tale Fin was telling.

After ordering his usual, he let out a deep sigh. The solitude of waiting for his drink was somehow comforting, yet his heart still ached.

It was ridiculous.

He was pining over a man ten years his junior, a man who couldn't make it through a conversation with a stranger without either charming them or offending them. He was brash, dramatic, and months after Rafael had lost him, he still wanted Sonny.

When his scotch arrived, he threw back the contents of the glass in one swift, burning movement, before ordering another drink.

“Going hard tonight, Counselor?”

Rafael's heart seized at the sound of Sonny's voice.

“Something like that,” he croaked out, cursing himself for downing his drink so quickly.

“You know…” Sonny started, leaning against the bar. “If there's something going on… I mean, I know we haven't been on the best terms but… if you ever want to talk--”

“Thanks,” he cut Sonny off, if anything to stop whatever awkward rambling path he was about to continue on. “Though I don't know if you're the one I should be talking to.”

Sonny nodded, seeming to understand more than Rafael expected.

“Trouble in paradise?” he offered.

At that, Rafael scoffed bitterly.

“Definitely not.” Sonny's face fell slightly, though he kept on smiling. “More that I have to explain to my mother why I'm single on my birthday for the fifth year in a row.”

The image of a disapproving Lucia Barba flashed before his eyes, and once again he found himself polishing off his drink in two quick gulps.

“Single?”

Rafael shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. 

“Yep.”

“Single for years?”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Yes, please continue to rub the salt into the wound, Carisi.”

He wasn't sure what Sonny's next reaction would be, though he certainly was not expecting what the younger man did next.

A pale hand reached out, gently resting on Rafael's forearm.

“I thought you were with someone,” he whispered, shining blue eyes meeting Rafael's.

“Well,” Rafael started, his beating heart almost deafening in his ears. “I was… but you know, that was us. I know you didn't consider that anything, but it was the closest thing I've had to a relationship in years.”

He bore his eyes into Sonny's hand, still resting on the exposed skin of his arm, warm and electric.

“What about Liv?” 

He almost didn't hear Sonny's whispered question. It took about ten seconds for him to realise what had been said, and when he did, he couldn't stop the instant reaction that burst forth -- laughter.

“Oh wow,” he breathed out between hearty laughs. “You thought -- me and Liv?”

“Didn't you have an anniversary recently?” Sonny nearly shouted, clearly confused.

Rafael’s breathing calmed down slightly as he considered that. “Anniversary?”

“Two years?” Sonny explained. “Ex-Ex?”

“Sonny,” he started slowly, realising exactly what he was referring to, and exactly how wrong he was. “We play poker, or at least I attempt to play and she continues to annihilate me.”

The blond’s eyebrows furrowed with even more confusion. “That doesn’t explain--”

“It was coming up on the last time I won a game,” he admitted. “Liv was just trying to rub it in.”

Sonny opened and closed his mouth about three times before settling on a simple, “oh.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Rafael turning over the events of the past few months in his mind. It all made sense now.

“I won by the way.”

Sonny laughed slightly. “Congratulations--”

“The extra spite I was holding onto forced me to perform better.” Instantly he cringed as a wicked smile formed on Sonny's lips.

“In all areas?” he teased.

“We’ll have to see.”

For a split second, they were suspended in a moment of pure want and desire, with everything that needed to be said drifting away as they lost themselves in each other's eyes.

“Look Counselor I’m--”

“Jealous?” Rafael offered, almost joking. The look in Sonny's eyes however, told him he wasn't far off the mark.

“I just thought that-”

“I didn’t want you?”

Sonny sighed, shaking his head, clearly  realising how ridiculous he had been. “Yeah.”

“How could I not want you?” Rafael murmured, stepping forward to reassure Sonny. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I remember--”

“Love?” Of course Sonny wouldn't let that pass. “You love me?”

“Yes.” There was no point in denying it any longer. The desperate longing he felt for the other man could have no other name. It was love.

“Why?”

“Sonny--” he started, ready and willing to list the thousand ways he loved him.

“After what I did?” Sonny gritted out, glaring at his hands that were clenched together on the bar top. “We should have discussed it, I should have asked--”

Rafael stepped forward and without warning, silenced Sonny with a kiss. A kiss that said all he wanted to say. A kiss filled with his love and his forgiveness.

“Shhh,” he murmured against Sonny's perfect lips, pressing sweet kisses over and over again, relishing in the way Sonny leaned into each kiss, as if their bodies were magnetised.

They broke apart, foreheads pressed against each other, breathing in a shared breath.

“So poker huh?” Sonny finally spoke.

Rafael rolled his eyes fondly, but refused to step away. “Yes, poker.”

“I’m not too bad at poker, I could show you a thing or two.” As if to prove his point, Sonny rested his hands on Rafael's hips, his thumbs rubbing gentle circles.

“Is that so, Detective…”

“In fact I think we could make things real interesting,” he whispered, his voice husky in a way that gave Rafael goosebumps. “Up the stakes a little.”

“Oh?”

“How about a round of strip poker?”

Rafael leaned back ever so slightly, and tried to gauge whether or not Sonny was being serious.

“Detective?” he pressed when Sonny didn't further explain himself.

“Think of it as an added incentive to win.” Rafael nearly rolled his eyes once again, but Sonny was leaning in, his hot breath ghosting over Rafael's lips.

“I think that could be arranged,” he whispered, the only warning he gave before he was capturing Sonny's lips with his own. This kiss was different. This was a promise, to always show Sonny exactly how he felt about him, how much he loved him. And as Sonny gently kissed him back, his hands moving to Rafael's back, pulling him closer, he suspected Sonny was silently promising the same.


End file.
